Castles in the Sand
by BevNPicard
Summary: Can a visit to LaBarre help Beverly overcome her fears and guilt about her feelings for Jean-Luc? Very first fan fic I ever wrote.
1. Chapter 1

"Resistance is futile . . .but appreciated."

**Castles in the Sand**

M. Chelsea Mack

Chapter One

The crew of the Enterprise was a crew without a ship. Almost seven months had passed since their ship's destruction. Their new ship was nearly finished, the Enterprise-E would be ready for service in two weeks. They couldn't wait to be back in space again.

The crew had all temporarily gone their separate ways. Will Riker had chosen to take a temporary post aboard another ship. Worf used the extended period to take his son, Alexander, to the Klingon home world, to give the young boy a deeper knowledge of Klingon traditions and their people. Deanna Troi had returned to Betazed to visit her mother and friends, mostly she had gone to reassure her mother that she hadn't been harmed on the Enterprise. Geordi La Forge and Data had gone to Utopia Planitia to see the advancements being made and to help build their next ship. Dr. Beverly Crusher had gone on a relief mission to a planet that had been devastated by a massive earthquake. And Captain Jean-Luc Picard had returned to Earth to teach a semester at the Academy.

The senior staff of the Enterprise had decided to meet at Picard's family home in France a couple weeks before the launch of the new Enterprise.

Jean-Luc's sister-in-law, Marie, had been happy to have everyone. The house had been much to quiet and lonely since her husband and son had died. To listen to their stories and to hear their laughter, hadhelped to lighten the grief around her heart.

But what had lightened her heart the most was that Jean-Luc was apparently enamored with the delightful Beverly.

It was the groups last night together in LaBarre, then they would be going their separate ways, again. They would all meet again at the launching of the Enterprise-E. From the launching, with several ambassadors and Starfleet admirals aboard, they were proceed directly to Starbase 56. There was to be a large gathering in honor of the Enterprise's launch. They were going back into space with much fanfare. Jean-Luc Picard was not certain about how he felt about all the grandeur surrounding his new ship.

Beverly sat on the front steps of the house, enjoying the night air. Everyone had gone to bed hours before, but she had been unable to sleep so she had come outside. She found this place enchanting. She had enjoyed being here, with her friends, far away from Starfleet. They had all had a wonderful time together.

Beverly found herself wishing she could spend the rest of her time here, before it was time to report back to duty.

Jean-Luc noticed Beverly sitting on the steps, looking completely lovely. He opened the front door, she didn't notice. He sat down beside her, touching her hand. "Penny," he said, stealing one of her lines.

Beverly jumped, surprised at the touch, she looked, finding Jean-Luc sitting next to her. "I was thinking how beautiful it is here. And that I wish I had more time to spend here, it's so peaceful."

She noticed that he was in his night clothes and had not bothered with a robe on this warm night, he looked gorgeous. Unconsciously, she pulled her robe tighter around her. She thought how relaxed and at ease he seemed here, something that rarely occurred aboard the Enterprise.

"You can stay, if you want," Jean-Luc casually said. Hoping that she would agree.

"What?" Beverly asked, looking into his eyes.

"You can stay here, if you want. I'll be remaining until it is time to return to duty and I would enjoy your company. Marie will be leaving and I will be left here alone to rattle around the house."

Warning bells went off inside Beverly's head. She knew she shouldn't stay here alone with Jean-Luc. Their relationship had continued to teeter back and forth between just being friends and becoming something more. She didn't want to help the something more along, not just yet. Yet, with all her worries about being able to remain just friends, she found herself saying.... "I would love to, Jean-Luc," she said it was such a smile.

*What a beautiful smile,* he thought. *Those lovely lips saying my name. She has always driven me to distraction without even trying.* "I'm glad," he said. "I can't think of anyone I would rather spend my time with."

Jean-Luc gave her a light kiss on the cheek and said good night. Wishing there could be more than just a kiss on the cheek. Beverly followed him into the house and up the stairs. They said good night and parted company, going into their own rooms.


	2. Chapters 2 & 3

Chapter Two

Beverly decided to indulge in a leisurely bath. She was tired and hoped the soothing water would help her to sleep. Beverly filled the tub, slipping out of her nightgown and into the warm water. She lay there thinking about Jean-Luc and about Jack.

Beverly could sense the feelings that she held at bay with a whip and a chair, coming too close to the surface. They were becoming harder and harder for her to suppress. Every time she let her guard down for just an instant, a stray thought would appear unbidden in her mind. Keeping these thoughts and feelings at bay was becoming thoroughly exhausting.

She had to continually remind herself of all the reasons not to give into her desire.

He was the captain, her commanding officer, it wasn't proper to have a relationship with her captain. Other crew members may feel that she received preferential treatment if they were to become involved.

Then there was Jack. Jean-Luc had been her late husband's best friend.

Jack.

The thought of him always made her feel guilty about her feelings for Jean-Luc. When she could make arguments against every other reason not to just love him, Jack's image would remind her just exactly who he was.

How could she feel like this about her husband's best friend? It was wrong to feel like this, wasn't it?

She had control of the situation. She may not be able to always keep the thoughts at bay, but she would not give in to the bodily desire. At least she tried to convince herself that she wouldn't.

Beverly closed her eyes, and let her mind wander. Before she knew it she had fallen into a dream filled sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The pair walked side by side on the white beach, fingers inter-laced with each other, as lazy waves crashed against their bare feet, wetting the bottom of their clothes.  
She wore a casual, sleeveless, white dress, that fell down to her ankles. It was made of a soft, thin fabric, something he had never seen or felt before. The dress wrapped around her body, hugging her hips and the curves of her breasts, it was held together by a single clasp at her left hip, the fabric flowing down the rest of her body. As she walked her bare left leg would come out of hiding, showing its well sculpted smoothness, and then it  
would disappear back to its hiding place behind the fabric of the dress, just to reappear again moments later. *She has the best pair of legs I've ever seen,* her companion thought with a slight grin.

He wore a blue silk shirt that was cut nearly to the navel, revealing most of his well defined chest. The color of his shirt matched the color of his companion's eye almost perfectly. His dark grey pants conformed to his body's every muscle. You could see every muscle of his legs move as he walked. *Not many men could pull those pants off with any dignity at his age, hell, not many men could pull those pants off at any age,* she thought. *I wonder if he has them painted on.* she finished to herself with an inner giggle.

The sky began to grow dimmer as the day came to a close, the warm air smelled sensuous as it blew around the couple. It had been a beautiful day, perfect for a relaxing stroll along the water's edge. The beach went on for a little over a mile, before it came to a rocky end, but just over the rocks the beach began again, as if its beauty had never been interrupted. The wind picked up slightly, and Beverly's hair began to dance in a fire all  
its own. Jean-Luc watched the games her crimson mane played around her. A lock a hair placed itself against her moist lips and refused to move on its own, Jean-Luc reached up to pull the hair away from her face. As he did this, his thumb brushed lightly against Beverly's bottom lip. She trembled slightly at the heat of his touch against her face. But as suddenly as the touch was against her, it was gone, leaving behind a tingling memory on her lips.

"It's getting late," he said quietly. "The sun has almost set, and one of the moons is visible now." He looked up into the purple sky, studying it. "It looks like it may rain."

Beverly smiled, "Let it rain, I always loved to play in the rain as a child. As long as the rain doesn't become to heavy, if you don't mind, I would like to continue our walk. I'll enjoy it, the warm air and the rain will feel wonderful."

As an answer, Jean-Luc gripped Beverly's hand more tightly, continue to walk away from their rooms. *Does she realize that if it begins to rain the water is going to make her dress positively transparent.* he wondered. *I'm not about to bring it up.*

They continued to walk hand in hand, the day was gone and night had come, the light of the moon illuminate her hair, making her face look like that of a porcelain doll's, her azure eye shone in the light. She looked positively radiant. The rain finally came, falling intermediately, making them wonder if it was even really there, or just their imagination. "It is absolutely wonderful here," Beverly smiled.

"Yes, it is," he agreed, watching her intently, seeing every change in her face. Watching the wind play its games with her hair.

"The night is beautiful."

"Truly beautiful," Picard responded, though he was commenting about her, not the night.

Beverly looked over at him and caught his gaze. She smiled slightly, brushing her hand up against his cheek. His gaze did not waver. Beverly flushed slightly, and looked away. "Penny," she said lightly.

"Nothing really, just thinking about how much I truly enjoy your company," Jean-Luc smiled. *I don't think, my dear Beverly, that you are ready for my thoughts,* he finished to himself.

They continued on their journey down the beach in silence, the rain began to fall a little harder, but it was still nothing to be concerned about. The sky began to turn a darker shade of purple, as the storm grew closer to them. Jean-Luc could feel the rain hitting his body, the warmness of the drops was truly stimulating. He watched Beverly, face held towards the sky letting the rain fall over her. The raindrops fell on her cheeks rolling  
down her jaw line and continuing their path down her neck, until they disappeared between the crevice of her breasts. It was truly erotic to him, watching their path, what he wouldn't give to be one of those raindrops, sliding down her body right now.

The rain had started to soak through her dress, causing it to cling to her skin, and it became transparent as he had predicted. He began to be able to see every curve of her body, in away he had only imagined. Beverly wore no undergarments, the fabric had been to light and you would have been able to see it through the fabric, so she had opted to go without for the walk. Jean-Luc swore slightly to himself as her nipples became erect from the rain and showed themselves through the wet fabric. His mind was racing. *Merde. Get a hold of yourself, your acting like a young boy who has just caught a glimpse of a naked woman for the first time.*

Beverly looked over at her companion and caught a look of pure lust, but he saw her start to turn towards him and had pulled himself together enough to put a more platonic look on his face. Beverly smiled at him, as the looked faded. She hadn't noticed what the weather had done to her clothes, so was unaware of the reason for Jean-Luc's gaze.

As he looked away, Beverly studied him. The rain had soaked his shirt, and the hair on his chest had become curly from the wetness from the rain. *What would it feel like to run my fingers along his chest, to feel the heat of his skin against mine? I would love to know.* Her gaze moved lower and her eyes wandered over his lower body, his muscled legs, the firmness of his butt, he did have a truly magnificent body. She could tell  
that even in his Starfleet uniform. But these pants, did wonders for the imagination. *They should make these standard issue for uniforms,* she thought with a leer.  
She noticed the slight bulge in the front of his pants, and licked her suddenly dry lips, just as he turned towards her. With her mind on other things, she didn't notice him watching her. He saw her intently scrutinized his body. This knowledge brought a flush to his face and excited him, also. Beverly noticed as the bulge she had been staring at rather intently, grew in size. She knew she had been caught staring, but she didn't care. She looked up to meet Jean-Luc passionate gaze. As their eye locked, Beverly moved closer to him. Jean-Luc brought his hand up towards her, running it along her arm, up to her shoulder, finally resting it behind her head, pulling her closer to him.

Beverly let out a sigh, as he brought his face to hers and placed his lips to hers, devouring her mouth with an urgent hunger. Beverly responded in full force, arms wrapped around his neck, fingers dancing over the back of his head, sending shivers of delight through his body, every inch of him responding to her caresses.

His hands explored her body, their lips never parting, he ran his hands over the curves of her hips and up to the swell of her breasts. He traced the out line of her nipples through the wet fabric. "Beverly, do you realize, this dress no longer leaves much to the imagination?" Jean-Luc breathed into her mouth. Beverly pulled away to look down, and saw that the dress conformed to every inch of her body and had become complete see through in the rain.

"I see what you mean." she smiled, pulling his body back to hers.

She reached her hands up under the back of his shirt, tracing playful designs along his back with her fingertips. Her touch was like fire, a slight moan escaped through his lips. He placed demanding kisses down her neck and on her shoulder. His hands reached for the clasp at her waist. Her hands quickly ceased their dance along his back and one hand grabbed his, "Making love in the surf is not all it's cracked up to be," she whispered.  
"I think we should go back, now. My room is closest."

They kissed one final time, and nearly ran all the way back to her room in their urgency to possess each other. At almost the same time they reached the terrace that led to her room, the wind picked up, the rain became fast and hard, and a loud roar shot through the sky. "Good thing we came back now." Jean-Luc smiled.

Beverly looked up into the sky, letting the rain wash over her. Jean-Luc couldn't take it anymore, he had to have her now. He pushed her slightly against the door frame, devouring her with kisses, as his hand returned to their earlier mission, and removed her from her dress. My God, he thought, she is absolutely exquisite. Jean-Luc trailed kisses down her neck to her right breast, taking it into his mouth, nibbling and sucking  
intermediately.

Beverly placed a hand under his jaw, drawing him back up to eye level. As he watched the desire dance in her eyes she peeled his rain soaked clothes away from him. The rain splashed against their naked bodies. She brought Jean-Luc to her, wrapping her arms around him once again, the bodies pressed against each other, "I want you right now," she ordered.

With her back still braced against the outside door frame, she brought her legs up, encircling them around his waist and lowering herself down on to him. "Beverly, oh, yes." he breathed, his face flushed and his breath already becoming labored.

They made love on the terrace for all the world to watch if they wanted, but neither seemed aware or to care.

He placed his lips to the soft skin at the base of her neck, placing tiny kisses all along there. Beverly moved slowly, loving the feel of him in her, Jean-Luc thrust against her, harder with each new movement, as he ran his fingers along her skin. She could feel the roughness of the wood against her back with each movement, the contrasting feel of the wood and his touch, sent her mind reeling. She screamed out in joy as Jean-Luc's orgasm took hold and he exploded inside her......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Picard awoke suddenly, drenched in sweat, the dream still very vivid in his mind. It had seemed so real, the rain falling against him, the taste of her lips, the feel of her body wrapped around him. It had been as real as it had been that night on Kes-Prytt.

Beverly had been privy to this dream.

"Beverly," he murmured.

He wanted her like he had wanted no other woman before or since they had met. It was no longer just a sexual attraction, like it had been that first night they had met. His feelings for her had grown and matured over the years they had spent together aboard the Enterprise.

It was a love born of friendship, trust and respect. A love that went beyond anything he had experienced before.

But she wasn't ready, she had told him as much. So he would wait until she was.

Just how long was he willing to wait for her, though?

He lay there recalling every moment of the vivid fantasy. Because the fantasy was all he had of her at the moment. He lay there until he fell back into sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beverly awoke abruptly, to discover herself emerged in a now lukewarm bath. It had only been a dream. She hadn't had a fantasy like that in quite awhile, at least not any that she remembered so clearly. She stepped out of the tub, grabbed a towel to dry herself with.

The dream was familiar to her. But it was not a dream that she had had before. It was like a distant memory. She was slightly confused by the familiarness of the dream.

Kes-Prytt.

Jean-Luc had had this dream on Kes-Prytt. *Great. Now I'm having the same fantasy as he was. But, it was such a nice fantasy.*

Beverly was still confused about the experience they had had on the plant and immediately following their return to the Enterprise. Jean-Luc had lain awake for hours, going over every detail of their relationship. He had seemed as lost as she was on the subject of just where they stood with each other. He had also felt the same guilt she had over Jack.

When he had fallen asleep he had dreamed vividly of the two of them together.

Then Jack had visited him. She didn't know what the dream was about. She couldn't bear seeing him there with Jean-Luc. The guilt had been too great for her to handle, so, she had blocked Jean-Luc's thoughts out with all the force she could muster.

When he had awoken, Beverly felt a new confidence he had concerning them. There was no underlying guilt anymore. She found herself wondering what he and Jack had talked about and at the same time was glad that she didn't know.

For some reason his lack of guilt, just made her feel more guilty.

She could be with anyone but Jean-Luc. Not her husband's best friend. It would be a betrayal. At least, that was how she felt. No matter how guilty her thoughts made her feel she couldn't stop them from engulfing her at times.

She reminded herself that to think and to act were two entirely different matters. He had said as much himself by the fire. She would not act on her feelings.

She would not allow herself.

She pulled on a night gown, let down her hair and brushed it out. Then, she went into her bedroom, and crawled between the sheets alone, and immediately fell back to sleep.

Chapter Three

Beverly awoke refreshed, after a night of dreaming about Jean-Luc. She had had several dreams during the night, about the two of them, the scenario was a little different each time, but, the outcome was always the same. She could remember vividly each detail of all of her dreams, every inch of the dream Captain's body was etched into her mind. She smiled slightly to herself as she emerged from under the covers, he did have a great body. Those hands . . . . those hands were amazing, she could feel them exploring her body as if he was right there, standing next to her.

"I'm not going to get anywhere, if I stand here and daydream," she said aloud as she walked into the bathroom.

She refused to let the guilt surface. After all, they were only dreams. And she couldn't be held responsible.

Besides she had seen all the dreams before. They had all been ***his*** dreams.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beverly walked into the kitchen with a bright smile on her face. Jean-Luc and Marie were busy making breakfast for everyone. They were laughing with each other. The sight made her smile grow wider. Marie had been so quiet when they had first arrived. But over the week she had grown happier, the weight of her grief becoming lighter. Beverly was glad for that.

"You both look especially rested this morning," Marie said.  
*If you only new the half of it,* Jean-Luc thought. He looked towards Beverly. "Beverly does look rather chipper this morning, doesn't she?"

"I'm always chipper in the morning," she laughed.

"If you insist," he said. "Anything I should know about?"

"I just had very sweet dreams last night," Beverly said eyes shinning, as images of Jean-Luc's naked body came into her mind.

"Jean-Luc said the same thing to me when I got up this morning," Marie said. "I guess you both had good nights."

"I here you will be staying here with Jean-Luc," Marie added.

"Yes."

"I'm glad. At least now I know you will keep him from destroying my kitchen and the rest of the house while I'm gone."

Beverly had to laugh.

"Are you trying to say that I can't cook?"

"Not at all," Marie said. "All I'm saying is that things tend to get a little out of hand when your in here alone."

"I'm glad she has decided to stay here also, now I won't be left here all alone. Besides she has a way of keeping me on my toes."

Beverly arched a delicate brow, "And how exactly do I do that?"

Jean-Luc smiled, "I just never know when you are going to jump in and start arguing some point of Starfleet protocol with me. Not to mention when you might decide to blatantly disobey my  
orders."

Marie looked on with laughter as the two bantered with each other.

"I never disobey any reasonable orders that you give, it's only when you start being unreasonable," Beverly laughed.

"Dr. Crusher, I am always reasonable, you, on the other hand, are an entirely different story.

"I agree he can be a little unreasonable at times," Will laughed from the doorway.

"Will, I will kindly remind you just who you are talking about," he smiled.

"Sorry, sir," he said with a mock salute as a big grin spread across his face.

Deanna walked in, "All this cheer and breakfast hasn't even been served yet."

"Now here is an unreasonable person if I ever met one," Will laughed, putting his arm around Deanna.

"If you say so, Will," Deanna smiled as she playfully elbowed him in the stomach.

One by one the group enter the banter. They sat down to a light-hearted breakfast, when they were finished, they went upstairs to finish packing, as Beverly and Jean-Luc removed the dishes. They were the only two staying in the house. 


	3. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The next afternoon, Picard and Crusher sat on a blanket in a large meadow just beyond the vineyards. Wildflowers grew rampant and birds sang from the tree tops. It was beautiful day, the wind blew a cooling breeze through the landscape, causing the purple, yellow and pink flowers to dance in a hypnotic sway.

Jean-Luc watched as the breeze played havoc with her hair, it blew lightly around her face, as she laid out the contents of the picnic basket. "A small feast," Beverly smiled. *I would much rather feast on . . . No. Not now, keep a clear head Picard. Don't start fantasizing now, not when there is no one around to stop you.* He said to himself.

"Great, I'm starved."

They ate while Jean-Luc told her about the vineyards and about his father, mother and brother. He told her about his last visit home, how he and Robert had finally settled the differences. "I am glad that I at least had time to make peace with him."

Beverly could see the sadness in his eyes. It was a sadness she knew all too well. A sadness he had helped her to deal with. She placed her hand on his shoulder, to show that she understood and that she was here for him. Involuntarily, she stroked his jaw with the back of her hand. Jean-Luc caught her  
hand in his and held it.

Jean-Luc's mouth came to hers, lightly brushing against her. She did not respond to his touch, but, neither did she pull away from him. He moved his hand to the back of her neck, pulling her closer, kissing her harder. He did not expect her to respond . . . but she did respond . . . and fed a hunger for her he was not sure he dared to explore.

At the first touch of his lips against hers, Beverly felt a shiver run the length of her body. She wanted to run, but something would not let her move. She felt the kiss deepen and she found herself falling into a haze of desire. She slid her arm around him, pulling him closer, kissing him back and savoring his  
taste, his warmth.

She wanted him. God, how she wanted him.

Jack.

His image came into her mind, uninvited, and with it came the guilt. *What was she doing?*

His elation to her passion soon faded as he felt her body stiffen in his embrace. Jean-Luc released her gently, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

"If we plan to eat the rest of the week, we had better get to the market. With the storm coming this may be the only day the market will be held," he smiled, trying to put her at ease.

"Thank you," she whisper almost silently.

"For what? Not letting you starve? I can only hope you would do the same." Jean-Luc lightly squeezed her hand, to reassure her that it was all right. The duo re-packed the picnic basket and headed back to the house, hand in hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wind blew outside, the temperature dropping in anticipation of the upcoming storm. The pair sat on the floor, in front of the fire, resting against the sofa. They drank a bottle of wine from the Picard vineyards. Jean-Luc told her happy stories from his childhood. She listened contentedly.

He could tell Beverly was still a bit tense from the kiss. He wished that she would just let go and admit how she felt. What ever it was that she felt. Jean-Luc had made an effort not to touch her as much as possible. He wanted her to relax, and he feared that she would mistake any contact as something more.

As the contents of the second bottle began to disappear, so did his self control. It was becoming nearly impossible not to reach out for her, to bring his fingers through her fiery mane, not to trace her lips with his thumbs, not to kiss her. All he wanted was to feel her sweet kiss once again upon him.

Whenever he looked into her eyes, he swore he saw the same desire and then it would be gone. Replaced by something that he could not comprehend.

Beverly's body began to relax as the wine began to have some effect. To Jean-Luc's joy she curled her body into his, resting her head on his chest. He reached behind him, pulling the blanket from the couch, wrapping it around the both of them.

She felt very tired, all the wrestling her heart and head did with each other was beginning to take its tole on her. Beverly had unconsciously nestled into the crook of his arms, searching for some peace. Hoping she could find it in his arms. Trying violently to push the doubts away.

Jean-Luc pulled her closer, hugging her to him. They lay there in silence, watching the fire dance. He absently traced patterns over her hip with his fingers. He turned to her and watched the fire cast shadows through her hair. He kissed her lightly on her head. She looked up into his face and he took the opportunity to place a kiss on her lips.

Beverly brought her head up, resting it on his shoulder as she turned the innocent kiss into something more passionate. She lay there, letting the feelings overtake her, hoping to chase away the ghosts that haunted her.

Jean-Luc took her by the waist, pulling her on top of him. She went willingly. He never allowed the kiss to break. He ran his fingers down her spine, she shivered at his touch. He brought his hands up under her top, caressing her.

The feel of his hands against her flesh, brought her to her senses and she pulled away from him, breaking their embrace. Beverly quickly got to her feet, running her fingers through her hair and adjusting her top.

"Beverly . . ." he started to say, but she cut him off.

"Why can't you just let things be? Why do you continue to push everything?" She almost cried.

"I wasn't aware I was pushing anything. You were the one who placed yourself in my arms. You were the one who turned that kiss into something more."

Beverly just looked at him, then turned to leave. "I'm going to bed."

Jean-Luc sprang to his feet, grabbing her by the arm. "What do you want from me?"

"What do I want from you? I want you to leave me alone."

"Is that really what you want?" He asked. "That was not what your actions were telling me on the floor."

She did not want to listen to him, she just wanted to get away from him. Beverly tried to pull free from his grasp, but he held her wrist to tightly. "Let go of me." She whispered.

He let go of her wrist, grabbing her around the waist with both hands before she had time to react. He pulled her against him, kissing her. She tried to break free from his embrace, but couldn't. Her body began to respond to his touch, even as her mind tried to fight him. Her body won the battle as she slipped her arms around his body, caressing him.

Beverly was pressed so tightly against Jean-Luc, she felt his desire rising. Her head cleared long enough for her to pull away from him, moving out of his reach.

"Why do you continue to deny your feeling?" He asked, adding, "I know that you want me, as much as I want you, your body gives you away."

"I want no such thing. I want you to stop this know. I want you to leave me alone. Please just leave."

"Fine, Beverly," he said. "I'm tired of playing this game with you. I'm finished waiting for you to make a decision about what you want from me. If you ever figure out what you want, tell me, maybe I'll still feel the same. But, I refuse to spend my life waiting for you to decide."

Beverly just looked at him, not knowing what she should do. Her mind told her to leave, that this was the perfect time. Her body screamed for his touch, telling her to go to him and never to leave. She remained silent, not knowing what to do, she was losing him. And to what? The memory of a man long dead and feelings of guilt that plagued her being.

He took the decision from her hands. "Good night," he said formally, leaving.

Beverly stood there in the fire light, feeling completely alone. Had she lost him completely? Would he be able to continue to be just her friend? She put out the fire, heading to her room. Though she no longer felt like sleeping. 


	4. Chapters 5 & 6

Chapter Five

The storm started, a little earlier than expected. Beverly lay in her bed completely sober and shivering, listening to the wind blowing. She felt thoroughly alone. There was no pretending she hadn't said it, and that he hadn't done that. The wind sounded like a mourning lover.

Beverly couldn't bear the sound.

She got up from bed and crossed the room to the window, pulling aside the curtain. It was well past midnight, and she had been in bed for hours. But she had not been able to sleep, and now she knew that she would not sleep. Not this night.

Shadows obscured the vineyard, dancing eerily in the pale moonlight as branches and clouds were blown about by the wind. The wind's screaming took on an eery note, as if it too, was in complete confusion.

Beyond the vineyard, the path to the river that ran through the meadow, was abundant with shadows. She could just make out the water shimmering in the blackness. Calling to her. Reminding her.

For a long time after Jack's death her loss had been so excruciating that it was like a blade stabbing continually at her heart. Then slowly, so slowly that she had not been aware of it at the time, she had started to heal. A whole day would go by, and she would not think about Jack. At night she was able to sleep untroubled by greetings from Jack's sweet presence in her dreams. She started to feel again, sharply. Anger, fear, joy. And passion. Passion like she had never experienced. A passion so strong and intense that it unsettled her. Even as her heart had continued to grieve, her body had awakened from a long sleep.

It was because of Jean-Luc, of coarse. Guiltily, Beverly admitted, finally, if even only to herself, what she had been afraid to do before.

He was absolutely right when he accused her of wanting him. She wanted to kiss that hard mouth, to explore him, to have him explore her.

She *wanted* to sleep with him.

Beverly clenched her fists, closing her eyes, she tried to will the images away. But they refused to be exorcized. Suddenly, she felt sick to her stomach. On this, the anniversary of her beloved Jack's death, it was wretched that she could think libidinous thoughts about his best friend.

Beverly grabbed her robe of the end of the bed, she tied the garment tightly around her waist. Then slipped her feet in to her slippers.

She needed to talk to Jack, as she had in the weeks just after he died. She needed to know that, after all, the love they had shared had not died.

She needed to get out of the house.

Beverly left her bedroom, hoping Jean-Luc had gone to bed, and moved soundlessly down the stairs, along the corridor to the rear of the house. She reached the door and left the house.

The tendrils of hair around her face whipped upward in the unrelenting wind. The wind caught at the skirts of her simple white nightgown and robe, swirling them around her legs. Branches blew and creaked all around her, but she neither noticed nor cared. She felt entirely removed from herself, as if she was caught in a dream.

She made her way through the vineyard, and down the path that would take her to the meadow and to the river. She stood at the river's edge, staring at the silent water.

As a young woman she had loved Jack. He had been the reality of every teenaged dream. The handsome Starfleet officer. Her closest friend. They had married, had Wesley, and then he had died. They had had so little time. So many dreams had been left undiscovered.

Now there was no more than a few subspace messages and fading memories of him. Surely, a man as compassionate and exceptional as Jack deserved more than that as a remembrance.

Beverly tried to remember, tried to bring his face to her mind, but his features kept getting embroiled with Wesley's. She couldn't get his face to become clear. "Why can't I even remember what he looks like?" she cried aloud.

The admission brought tears to her eyes, hot tears that ran uncontrollably down her face.

*How could I have forgotten?*

Falling to her knees at the river's edge, she dropped to her hands and cried. Cried as hard as she had the first night after she had learned that he would never return to her side.

It began to rain. At first it was a lazy rain. Then it increased in intensity, until it began to pour down from the heavens with as much ferocity as her tears. "Jack," she whispered.

The wind blew, the rain fell, and Beverly wept, oblivious to everything.

Then an angry voice came out of the blackness, shaking her out of her thoughts.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

Beverly looked up to find Jean-Luc looming above her. She adverted her face, wiping at her cheeks with her hand, frantic that he not know she had been crying. But he ignored her attempts to cover this fact, leaning over her and catching her chin in his hand, he tilted her face up to his. His eyes scowled down at her. He looked furious.

She closed her eyes against him. The rain washed her face.

He demanded, "What are you doing? You'll catch your death out here?"

Before she could compose herself enough to answer, he scooped her into his arms, and carried her away from the riverbed and back up the path towards the house. Beverly turned her face into his damp shirt, breathing in the heavy scent of him, huddling against the solid warmth of his shoulder. He was so alive. And guilt overwhelmed her because she was glad to be in his arms.

The realization brought more tears with it.

As he felt fresh cries overtake her, Jean-Luc cursed viciously under his breath. So abruptly that it shocked her, the arm beneath her knees was removed. Beverly found herself on her own feet, her body pressed against his, as his arms wrapped around her. She looked at him, only to find his face was coming closer. Before she could decipher his intent, his mouth discovered hers. He kissed her with savage greed that left no room for tenderness, kissed her with a intensity that rocked her to her toes and made her shake.

His kiss reduced her to mindlessness. Beverly felt her will melt away. Leaving her incapable of denying him anything he wanted.

Jean-Luc gathered her close, so she was aware of the whole muscled length of him against every inch of her flesh. Beverly trembled in his arms, then gave in to what every instinct she possessed cried out for her to do. She slid her arms around his neck, drawing him to her. His mouth mercilessly forced her lips apart, and she did not resist. Did not even want to resist.

With an inaudible moan, she surrendered unconditionally, her hands caressing his rain soaked neck and shoulders. Her mouth surrendering to his plundering.

And plunder he did. His tongue was a fearless invader, conquering everything in it path. He stroked the roof her mouth and her teeth, demanding an equal response from her. Beverly gave it to him, she returned passion for passion, kissing him back with all the longing she had tried in vain to suppress for so many years.

Never before had she felt anything like the raging desire that was threatening to devour her. Never had she wanted anything as much, as in that moment she wanted Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

They stood there, kissing in the dark rain washed vineyard, both of them soaked to the skin. Then he seemed to come to some awareness of where they were. He muttered something and took her into his arms again. Heart racing, arms curled around his neck, Beverly lay in his arms silently as he carried her through the vineyard and into the house.

Neither of them spoke as he moved through the downstairs. Dizzy with passion, she reveled in the strength of his arms as he carried her up the stairs with ease. Absorbed in the hardness of his chest, the warmth of him, the smell of him. Her arms tightened around his neck as he carried her along the upstairs hallway and then eased open the door carrying her into her room.

Chapter Six

"You are not going to make me leave," it was a harsh whisper, part question, part order.

"No, I'm not going to make you leave," she said, burying her face into his shoulder.

She felt his sharp intake of breath, as well as the relief flood over his body at her declaration. He stood her on her feet with much more gentleness than he had shown up to this point. "Lets get you out of these wet clothes."

The window allowed the smallest bit of moonlight to shimmer through her bedroom. Just enough so that she was able to watch him as he began to undress her. His large hands intently working on all the buttons of her nightgown. His head was lowered and she could barely make out his face. His lashes covered his eye, but his mouth was not smiling, it was almost grim. His lips were set in a straight, hard line. As he released enough buttons to open her garment to her chest, he chanced a glance upwards and met her gaze. He still didn't smile, just studied her, those still grey eyes glittering.

Never letting his eyes leave hers, he reached out with one large hand and grasped her firm breast. Beverly gasped at his touch. Her head falling back on her neck, her eyes closing. She trembled as she closed her hand over the hand that he had resting on her breast.

Jean-Luc took her into his arms again, kissing her passionately, endlessly. She locked her arms around him, afraid he might vanish, and kissed him back in equal measure. When his mouth slid down to her ear and then her neck, he was quaking like she was. Beverly could feel the shudders rocking the body that held her so tightly.

"Merde," he breathed, and stepped away from her.

She reached for him, but he shock his head and set to work on the rest of the buttons that kept her nightgown held against her. His fingers fumbled with the buttons, Beverly could not wait any longer. "Let me," she whispered.

She stared at him for a moment, a gleam in her eyes, then with deliberate slowness, she began to undo the tiny buttons. Jean-Luc watched her, so intent on each movement that he stopped breathing altogether. *She does know how to torment the hell out of me.* he thought. He examined her with a guarded expression she could not comprehend. The only thing that told her he felt the same desire that she felt was the look in his eyes. She looked directly into his eyes as she dragged out the act of disrobing, knowing damned well she was slowly driving him up the wall. His pulse quickened when she languidly let the nightgown fall off her shoulders, it was all he could do to keep from grabbing for her. Beverly saw the look in his eyes intensify as he waited. Slowly she let the garment slip down her arms, little by little revealing more of her skin, deliberately delaying its fall, first to expose her rose tipped breasts, then her delicate waist, the gentle curve of her hips and the red-brown triangle of hair where her legs joined. Jean-Luc felt as if he was on the verge of madness when the garment finally fell in a puddle at her feet.

When the gown dropped to the floor, his eyes were ablaze. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he said, as his hands reached to pull her back into his embrace.

Beverly went willingly.

He bestowed her neck and shoulders with tiny kisses as he maneuvered their bodies towards the bed. He lay her gently down across the center of the bed, lying down next to her, propping his body up by his elbow, looking down onto her.

His fingers played over her stomach, and then the curly triangle of auburn hair. His touch was feather light, but so knowing, searching and learning her. His fingers continued their quest, pressing and probing the softness between her thighs.

Slowly and rhythmically he caressed her. He sat up to free his other hand to caress and learn her breasts. His hands seemed to move over every part of her body, the gentle urgency of his fingers burning deeper and deeper.

A moan escaped from between her lips when his fingers ceased their exploration. Then she felt his mouth upon her. He slid his hands under her, lifting her upward. His tongue flicked over her as lightly as his fingers had touched her, gently tugging, possessing her. She felt his hands and mouth melding with her body. Becoming part of her.

She felt the excitement building, moving through her body. Low feverish moans escaped her lips. Wild waves of exquisite pleasure swept through her body. She involuntarily pushed her hips upward toward his mouth, urging him to continue. She shook uncontrollably as quake after quake of pleasure shot through her whole being.

Jean-Luc shifted positions, laying his full length next to her, his hands moving over her stomach and breasts more urgently. He could feel the heat of Beverly's naked body, even through his damp clothes.

Slowly the waves of pleasure subsided. Beverly could feel his desire building, she knew it would be impossible for him to wait much longer. "I think it's time you get out of these wet clothes," she whispered as she began tugging off his wet clothes.

The passion within her rekindled as his clothes came off. Beverly looked at his naked form and forgot to breathe. He was absolutely extraordinary. He was huge and hard with desire.

Jean-Luc lay above her, brushing light kissed across her lips. "I've wanted you for so long," he confessed, kissing her again with a passionate pressure.

He rested on one elbow, stroking her chin, he brought his fingers up to comb through her hair. "The most beautiful...." he whispered, brushing a lock of hair from her cheek.

"Do you want me Beverly?" he asked, bringing his lips across her cheek to her ear.

Beverly arched her neck to give him freer access, feeling the desire overtake her again.

Do I want him? Isn't it obvious?

"Oh, yes," she whispered shakily, "Yes."

It was such a relief to confess the truth, to give into her longings, not to fight herself anymore. Not to let the guilt come between them. Did she want him? More than anything.

He stroked her, murmuring, "Beautiful, beautiful Beverly."

Even in his urgency to have her, he was a slow, gentle, considerate lover. Suddenly, she didn't want him to be any of that. Her body was fevered with desire, if he didn't hurry, she feared she would pass out from wanting.

Jean-Luc stroked her cheek tenderly. She caught his finger between her lips suckling them, enjoying the faint taste of herself on them. His eyes flickered as he watched her with a curiously guarded expression. As if he was afraid she may change her mind, come to her senses, and deny him this pleasure. He felt a need to make sure she would have no regrets about this.

She could not wait for him any longer. She slid her arms around his shoulders, pulling his mouth to hers. He held back, still searching her face, his eyes asking a pleading question.

"Kiss me," she said as she brought her legs up around his waist and pulled his entire body down on to her. He still held back. "Please, Jean," she begged.

He caught his breath, the flames in his eyes growing brighter. The desire inside him raging out of control. He kissed her, his tongue searching her mouth. His hand found her breast, and closed over it. Beverly arched her back, pleading for more.

Jean-Luc looked down at her again, his look was hard with desire. "No regrets."

"No regrets," she agreed, looking into his eyes.

His eyes held more than passion. But Beverly refused to allow herself to see it. His eyes held years of tenderness and love. But Beverly didn't want to see those things.

"Please," she whispered, her arms pulling his closer.

Suddenly, his hands seemed to be everywhere, as his mouth explores hers. Beverly clung to him, her nails embedding themselves into his back as he kissed her with a passion stating that the time for gentleness was over. His hand played with her breast, squeezing her nipple. Beverly moaned aloud. His legs shifted and Beverly tightened her legs around him, taking him into her.

"Beautiful Beverly," he muttered. "I love you."

She was kissing him again, clinging to him, never hearing his final whispered words.

His breathing became increasingly erratic. His arms molded her to him. His hand slid between their bodies and between her thighs. He found the soft wetness of her and began to caress her. Beverly exploded at his touch and cried out, gasping for air and enjoying the sheer wonder of him. As her body shook, he thrust deeper inside her, so deep that at first she was unprepared for the enormity of him.

More pleasure rocked her, pleasure so intense, she clung to him, panting, nails digging even deeper into his back, her legs tightening around his waist.

His thrusts were deep and hard, pounding into her with a desperate strength. She reveled in every movement he made. From her throat came low moans and screams. He was hot and wet with sweat. Beverly was utterly mindless. She matched his passion with her own. Until, with one final thrust, he stiffened and cried out, finding his own release.

And in the feel of his release, she found hers again.


	5. Chapters 7,8 & 9

Chapter Seven

The rain beat against the window, as the storm raged out of control in the night. Jean-Luc and Beverly lay cuddled warmly together. Jean-Luc lay on his back with her head nestled against his chest. His arm held her to him. One of her hands resting on his chest, he was very warm to the touch, reassuringly solid, and unashamedly, beautifully naked. Her eyes ran across him with appreciation. Even languishing, his body satisfied, sweat drying on his skin, he was a treasure for her eyes.

She did not try to convince herself that she had been wise to make love with Jean-Luc. But she had no regrets.

"Are you sorry?"

"No."

Jean-Luc's muscles relaxed at her reply. "Good."

"Though I am still worried about having an affair with my captain," she said truthfully. "It's not at all a proper situation."

"There has to be some advantage in there some where," his chuckled.

"Perhaps, one or two." Beverly sighed contentedly, she looked up to find that he was watching her, with a slight smile on his face.

"I've wanted to do this since the first time I saw you," he told her.

His admission made Beverly feel ridiculously lighthearted. The chest she had been longing to touch waited beneath her hand. She moved her fingers through the soft hair. "Have you?" she murmured.

"Yes, ever since you were first introduced to me at that Starfleet function. You were so beautiful standing there, red hair falling in soft curls down to your waist, your blue eyes shining. Even then your eyes seem to hold the answers to everything.

"You were an absolute vision. I loved that dress. I had dreams about that dress. It was a brilliant green and hugged your body, the neck line cut low and the slit up the leg cut high. It was very provocative. You were bearing way too much skin then was good for *me*. It sent my mind racing."

"You seem to remember it vividly," she said, surprised that he recalled it with such detail.

He continued his reminiscing, "The feel of you in my arms as we danced, the lilt in your voice, your scent . . . . Everything about you seemed so perfect to me. When you looked into my eyes you seemed to be taking in my entire soul. Then you smiled so brightly, it was the first time I had seen you smile and you were looking at me. My heart stopped. There I was, at a Starfleet function, playing the proper captain and all I could think about was making love to you on the dance floor of the crowded room. I knew I was finished, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to talk myself out of wanting you.

I was right, after all these years, I still haven't been able to find a way to talk myself out of wanting you."

"Jean-Luc," Beverly sighed, holding him closer, not quite sure what to say to his declaration.

He smiled at her, stroking the hollow between her breasts, he ran his palm idly over her nipple, causing it to harden. "You have always had away of making me forget who I am and where I am."

"I hadn't realized I had made such an impression on you."

"More than you could ever know. Almost from the beginning I've known that you possess everything that I have ever wanted." He said, cupping her breast in his hand.

Beverly was distracted by his hand and began to lose the conversation, "I should have given in sooner," she whispered almost to herself.

"I knew that sooner or later you would end up in my bed. That you were my destiny."

Never one to miss an opportunity, "As a statement of *fact*," Beverly began, "You're in *my* bed.

"Don't argue." He smiled as he trailed his fingers up and down her body. "Beautiful Beverly."

He shifted and she found herself on her back with Jean-Luc above her, a smile playing on his lips, even as he brought his head down.

Beverly's breath caught as his tongue played across her breast. He brought her nipple into his mouth, nibbling on it with his teeth, sucking on it. He continued his ministrations. She brought her hand up to stroke the back of his head, pressing him more closely against her.

His mouth moved to the other nipple, offering it the same sweet attention. Sensuous quakes ran through her as her body began to awaken to his touch. His mouth left her nipple, sliding down her body, tracing a path between her ribs and over her stomach, between her thighs and down her legs. He drank up every part of her body.

"Over," he said urging her onto her stomach. She did as she was asked.

He swirled his tongue over her calf and back up her thighs. His mouth moving hot and wet over her body, as he continued on his quest. He was kissing her buttocks, running his lips and tongue over the tender curves.

"Ohhh," Beverly cried, as new waves of desire washed over her. He pressed her into the mattress, his mouth moving up her spine. He caressed her neck with his mouth . "I love the way you taste," he whispered in her ear.

Then she felt his body against her, felt him part her legs and enter her from behind. His arms came around her, one hand playing with her breasts as the other one found its place between her thighs. He stroked her, as he continually thrust into her. Beverly moaned, withering beneath him, her breath rasping in her throat..

He thrust into her hard one last time, holding himself inside of her, while he moaned and once again found his release.

Chapter Eight

Beverly was exhausted, satisfied and completely content as she snuggled close to Jean-Luc's hard body. As she drifted into sleep she realized that it had been a long time since she had felt this happy.

She dreamed of simple, everyday things, breakfast with Jean-Luc, confiding with Deanna. They were peaceful, contented dreams.

She was walking along the river's edge, enjoying the day, the smell of honeysuckle scented the breeze. "Beverly," a familiar voice cried out from somewhere behind her.

She turned her head to find the origin of the familiar sound. "Beverly." She heard again.

"Where are you?"

"Beverly," came again, fainter this time.

She moved in the direction of which she had heard the voice. She saw him. Standing at the water's edge, waiting, light-brown hair blowing in the breeze, looking just as he had all those years before. He smiled brightly at her as he saw her coming closer. He lifted his hand and waved. "Goodbye, Sweet Beverly."

"Don't leave, yet," she cried, running after him. She couldn't catch up to him, he just continued to move further and further away from her reach.

"Be happy," she heard him say as he smiled and disappeared.

Beverly stopped. Starring at the place where he had just stood. He had left her, again, with a wave and a smile. Telling her it was all okay.

Telling her that *he* wanted her to be happy.

Her heart ached, "Jack," she whispered in farewell.

Chapter Nine

Jean-Luc lay on his back, arms around the naked form sleeping against him. Savoring the feeling of Beverly beside him. Her head lay on his shoulder, her fiery hair fanned across his chest. He stroked her hair, marveling at its feel.

He had wanted to make love to her the first time he had seen her. Her tall, slender body, combined with her flaming hair and seemingly all knowing, blue eyes had charmed him. Add to that a nature that was as completely passionate as her exterior was coolly controlled and the woman had become truly beguiling. She invoked feelings in him that no other woman had ever been able to.

He enjoyed her fierceness, so at odds with her angelic appearance. It was a fierceness that she used to protect her son and her patients. A wonderful mother, doctor and officer. She'd been a wonderful and faithful wife as well. Every time he remembered Jack and Beverly together, he was filled with sadness. Jack had loved her, wed her, and even in death had retained her devotion.

She was the only woman who had continued to fuel his dreams. As he had strived to become one of Starfleet's finest, love was no longer a consideration for him. With Beverly, though, he found that he did care. He found that love was more than just a consideration, it was a reality. He had thought that once he had taken her to bed, the battle would be won. Now he was discovering he could only be victorious if he was also sure he had claimed her heart.

When he had spied her through the window, walking through the vineyard in the windy pre-storm darkness, well past midnight, he had wondered what the hell had made her go of wandering around through the darkness before the storm. Scowling, he had dressed and gone after her. It started to rain as he left the house. He had almost given up finding her, figuring that perhaps she had gone back to the house when the rain had become more insistent. And then he had seen the figure crouching beside the river. Just sitting there, in the pouring rain. "Jack," he heard her whimper softly.

Rage as he had rarely known had sent him after her. When he had lifted her face to his and saw her tears falling, he had wanted to murder her. Rage had fueled him as he had brought her into his arms and carried her towards the house. Rage had fueled that first kiss. He wanted to make her painfully aware that Jack was dead, and that no amount of sorrow would bring him back to her. He had wanted to make her aware that he was very much alive and that he wanted her desperately.

Suddenly, he was not angry anymore.

He knew from the moment her lips first touched his what he really wanted. And she had responded with such eagerness.

Finally.

He had waited so long. He had not been able to get enough of her. The soft cries that had revealed her pleasure drove him wild. He had wanted her incessantly, and even after two exhaustively beautiful rounds, he was not completely sated. Would never be, he feared.

If he had known what he would be risking, he would never had begun this. Not even this glorious night was worth the torment of not knowing if her heart may still belong to a dead man. May still belong to an image of perfection that he had no way of competing against. He was terrified that she might not love him back in the same way that he loved her.

It had been easier when he was able to delude himself that the feelings were not there, that he was content as just her friend. He knew there was no longer anyway for him to tuck the feelings for her away.

He watched her as she slept, curled closely against his body. She was smiling. The sight of her smiling lifted a weight from Jean-Luc's heart. Beverly was not a woman who took to having casual love affairs whenever the thought occurred.

But she had made move to him, passionately.

His heart soared as he thought, just perhaps, she did love him with the same tenderness and passion that he felt for her.

When she awoke he would come right out and ask her if she loved him. In her sleep, Beverly sighed and whispered something. He stroked her cheek and she shifted restlessly, pulling him closer. Not able to wait any longer to know how she felt, Jean-Luc bent his head and kissed her forehead.

He froze, as she whispered something that made his blood turn to ice. His body stiffened, as in her sleep, she called him by his best friend's name.


	6. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Jean-Luc got out of bed, not caring if he woke Beverly or not and quickly headed for the door, not bothering to retrieve his clothes from the floor. Jean-Luc took one quick furious look back at her. She slept, looking very much the part of an angel. An angel he now knew that she was not. He had to get away from her, as far a way as possible, before he wrapped his hands around her neck.

He left her room and headed for his own. He put on some clothes and threw the rest of his belongings into his carry-all. He left her an impersonal message stating that he had to go to Starfleet Headquarters to conduct some unexpected business and that he would see her at the launching of the Enterprise. Then he left.

Beverly awoke with a smile. She felt wonderful. As the memories of last night washed over her. She arched her back and stretched. She hadn't felt this good in a long time. Bright sunlight shone through the window, no trace of last night's storm remaining. The bright day matched her mood.

Suddenly, she realized that she was alone in bed. What were they going to do? They couldn't just go back to being just friends. But, the difficulties of having a relationship with her captain were many. She felt an awkwardness, that she had not felt since she was teenager, come over her. She worried about what to say to him, how to approach him about this change in their relationship. Maybe she could just say nothing, but she doubted that Jean-Luc would allow her to get away with that.

She recalled the visit Jack had paid to her in her dreams, he had rid her of a terrible guilt. She loved Jack, always would, a small part of her would always belong to him. But now she was free to give her love to anyone she chose. Even Jean-Luc.

The thought of loving Jean-Luc and being loved by him was an alluring prospect.

*Does he love me? *

*God, I hope so,* she thought.

Beverly got out of bed, getting ready to start this glorious day. She saw Jean-Luc's clothing lying on the floor and smiled at the recollections. Was he wandering around the house naked? The thought enticed her.

After dressing, she headed downstairs, her heart beating rapidly in anticipation of finding Jean-Luc. She looked for him in the house and the vineyard, he was no where to be seen.

When she found the message from him, she frowned. Back to Starfleet? Why hadn't he told me himself? Why didn't he ask me to go with him?

Her happiness dimmed as she realized that Jean-Luc was no longer there with her, and that he might not want to be with her. Maybe he didn't have any feelings other than friendship for her and last night had been a mistake for him.


	7. Chapters 11 & 12

Chapter Eleven

Jean-Luc paced around his quarters aboard the new Enterprise. He didn't feel like seeing anyone, and with the crew on shoreleave and the ship not scheduled for departure until the end of the week, the chances were pretty slim. But without the distraction of work he only had time to think of Beverly.

She had played him for a fool. How could she have made love to him like that, but, still belong to Jack? At that moment he hated both of them. The two people he had considered his greatest friends in the universe and now he hated them both. Jack for still holding her heart two decades after his death. Beverly for letting him believe, if only for a moment, that she might feel the same way that he did.

It had been four days since he left the house in LeBarre. His home. Never would he be able to find the peace there that he had once been able to. She had ruined that for him. She had destroyed everything for him.

He remembered that the senior staff and a skeleton crew would be returning today, including Beverly. The Enterprise was also taking an assortment of admirals and Ambassadors to Starbase 56, where the formal party in honor of the completed Enterprise would be taking place. The senior staff would be reporting back to duty within the next couple of hours.

He did not want to see her, the thought of her made his blood boil. The thought of sitting at the same table as her, to speak to her, sent him into a rage.

*How could she have used me so thoroughly? She knows my feelings for her, she had heard them all on Kes-Prytt. She knows that I love her. Hell, I even told her I loved her. What was I thinking to have said it aloud?*

Even with all the anger he held towards her, even with all the hurt that she had caused by calling him by another man's name, his body still responded to the thought of her. He still wanted her, he still needed her to love him.

Beverly had stayed at the house alone for four days, dumbstruck by Jean-Luc's actions. He had not even bothered to say good-bye, just snuck out in the middle of the night. Her hurt over his actions turned to anger. By the time she arrived aboard the Enterprise she was in a rage like never before.

When she had first come aboard she had tried to talk to him, but he had said he was to busy and would see her when he had the time. Then he had told her that he would not be able to have breakfast with her the following morning. She had been on board for five days, setting up her new sickbay. In that time, she had not been alone with Jean-Luc. It seemed to her that he was going out of his way to avoid her.

*How dare he just ignore me. How dare he make love to me and then leave without a word as I slept. How could he make me want to love him? Obviously, I don't mean anything to him. His words, everything, had just been his way to get me into bed.*

She cursed him as she unpacked her belongings. Then she cursed herself. *What had I been thinking?* Just then the door chimed, she ignored it as she continued to berate herself for her stupidity. The chime came again. "Fine, come," she said as she continued to unpack.

"You still are the prettiest thing I've ever seen in a Starfleet uniform."

Beverly turned around, smiling at the man who stood in the door to her bedroom. "I see you still look as wild as ever."

"I took the time to brush my hair, at least," he turned around to show her the neat ponytail that his hair was tied in. His hair cascaded down to the mid of his back.

"Congratulations, you look respectable. It's been a long time, David." She surveyed the man smiling down on her. He had a dark complexion, with midnight black hair. He was a big man, massive of shoulder, broad of chest. He was tall, he even managed to tower above her.

She walked into David's open arms, hugging him tightly. "I've missed you, living planetside just isn't the same without you around. I think I should pull some strings and have you transferred back to Starfleet Medical."

"Don't you dare. Not yet at least. But, if I change my mind, I'll let you pull all the strings you can, Admiral."

"I didn't come here to try to talk you into staying on Earth permanently. I came to see if you would do the honor of accompanying me to the bridge for the launching of this ship."

"I would love to."

Jean-Luc noticed Beverly as soon as she walked on to the bridge. His heart missed a beat as she walked across the bridge. He had seen very little of her since she had come aboard and it had been ten days since he left LeBarre. He watched her intently. She greeted Deanna and Will with quick hugs, smiling. He heard Will tell her that poker would be played tonight in his quarters after the dinner in Ten-Forward. She smiled saying that she would be there.

Then he noticed the young admiral lean down and put a hand on her waist, saying something to her. She smiled and laughed, putting her hand in his, allowing him to guide her towards the group that he happened to be standing amongst.

Several of the ambassadors turned and greeted the young admiral with warm smiles and the admirals greeted him with hardy hellos. He noticed that several of them greeted Beverly with the same warmth. "Beverly, it's been too long, Starfleet dinners just aren't the same without you," one ambassador smiled at her, kissing her hand.

"Is there any way we could talk you in to coming back to Starfleet Medical?" an admiral asked.

Beverly smiled. "David has already placed that offer on the table for me. I don't think I want a planetside job at the moment," she said. She stiffened when she noticed Jean-Luc watching her and added, "though, the offer is tempting at the moment,"

"Tell me what I've missed while I was away. I didn't have time to see any of you while the new ship was being constructed."

Beverly chatted with a small group of people, it was obvious to Jean-Luc that Beverly had made quite an impression on people when she had been gone for that year.

David noticed, Beverly's unease at her captain's gaze, he leaned over her, whispering in her ear, "Is there something you would like to tell me?"

She took his hand in hers, "I'll tell you later," then she noticed Jean-Luc standing beside her.

"Captain, have you met Admiral Casperson?" she asked.

"No, I haven't. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."

"Dr. Crusher, has told me great things about you," David said, looking from Crusher to Picard, he could see the tension between them. Beverly had told him about her rather hard to explain relationship with her captain, and through her communications with his over the last several years had learned that it had just gotten harder for her to understand.

**Chapter Twelve **

Beverly entered Will's quarters, later that evening, looking about. "This is what they are handing out to first officers these days. Maybe I should change professions."

Will mocked a frown, "Don't you dare. I might find myself out of a job."

"You probably would," Deanna quipped.

Beverly sat down at the table with Deanna and Will, "So where are Worf, Data and Geordi?"

"Worf is on his way," Deanna said.

"And Geordi and Data can't make it, they are running diagnostics down in engineering. So it will just be four of us tonight."

"I have someone in mind to be the fifth," Beverly said.

"The captain has already turned me down," Will said.

Deanna saw Beverly's eyes narrow and her back straighten. She felt the animosity flow through her.

Since her arrival aboard the Enterprise, Deanna had been sensing conflicting emotions from both Beverly and the captain. She felt the hurt and anger. The desire and love. She had always felt the latter two, in all there different forms. Never had she sensed the first two from either of them. Now every desirous feeling was followed by one of anger. She was worried about her friends. Deanna knew she just may have her work cut out for her.

"I wasn't thinking of the captain," Beverly said sharply.

Will looked at Deanna, he knew something was not right between Beverly and the captain.

"Then who?"

"Admiral Casperson. That is Will, if you don't mind losing. He's a very good player."

"Invite him. The more the merrier, I've always said," smiled Will. "Besides one can never have to many admirals as friends."

Beverly rolled her eyes at Will and hit her comm badge. "Crusher to Casperson."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Are you busy at the moment, Admiral," she said in a mocking tone.

"No ma'am," he said imitating her tone.

"If you could manage to find your way down to the first officer's quarters, there's a poker game about to start."

"Praise the Lord," he laughed. "My sweet Bev to the rescue once again."

"I take that as a yes."

"If I don't get lost I'll be there in a flash."

"Maybe you should just transport here, it cuts your chances of getting lost in half."

"And take the chance that you are playing transporter chief tonight? No thank you. I'd probably end up somewhere outside of the ship. I'll try to find it on my own."

"See you when you find us. Crusher out."

"I'd say you and the admiral are good friends." Deanna said.

"Hate him, can't stand him, never could," Beverly laughed.

"Where did you meet him?" Deanna asked.

"Starfleet Medical, he was lost and just happened to be looking for me. When I told him who I was, he told me he was in love, and asked me to marry him. I said yes, and we've been together ever since," Beverly laughed. "He's unlike anyone else you will ever meet again in Starfleet. He was an excellent captain, some say he was one of the best, his crew were sorry to see him go when he was promoted. He's one of the youngest admirals in the history of Starfleet. According to most people who know him his only character flaw is his seeming lack of seriousness. But, I've always found it most refreshing."

Beverly and David left Will's quarters after a long night of poker playing, they walked through the corridors of the Enterprise's chatting. "You made quite an impression, they'll never respect an admiral again," Beverly laughed.

"I do tend to bring the rank into the gutter don't I?"

"More then you realize," Beverly said. "But that's why we all love you so much."

"You LOVE me, you really, really love me," David said jumping up and down, clapping his hands together like a small child."

Beverly could not help but laugh, "Why they ever let you become an admiral."

"They had nothing else to do with me."

Then he turned serious, "Are you going to tell me what is going on between you and this captain of yours?"

"I can't. Because I really don't know anymore."

"Did you sleep with him?"

Beverly looked down the corridor to make sure no one was around, "You really jump right to the good stuff, don't you?"

"No point to beating around the bush."

"The senior staff had all gone to his home in France, before returning to duty, " she began. "Jean-Luc and I stayed after everyone else left. To answer your question, yes, I slept with him."

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing. When I woke the next morning, he was gone. He left a note saying he had gone to Starfleet Headquarters."

"Have you talked to him?"

"No. I've tried, but he just makes up excuses about being to busy."

"And you still need answers?"

"Yes. I want to know what happened. I thought I was more to him than just one night."

David bent down and kissed her on the lips, then wrapped her into his arms. "I hope you get what you want."

"So do I," she said as she hugged him.

He let go of her, pointing to a door, "My quarters. Would you like to come in and talk?"

"No, I think I just want to go to bed."

"You can always come sleep in my bed with me, and if you're very nice I'll even take my clothes off," he laughed, all traces of seriousness gone.

"As much as I would love to see you naked, I think I'll go sleep in my own bed."

"Okay then, your loss. Good night, my dear." he said kissing her again.

Beverly kissed him back, "Good night, my dear." Beverly said as David entered his quarters.

She turned to go to her quarters and saw Jean-Luc standing there, watching her. She walked towards him. He just stood there, grim faced, body as stiff as a rail.

"Jean-Luc, can I talk to you?"

"I don't see where there is anything that needs to be said. You seem to have found what you want with Admiral Casperson."

David is just a friend. I want to know why..." Beverly began.

"Good-night, Doctor." he said, walking away, leaving her standing alone in the corridor.


	8. Chapters 13 & 14

**Chapter Thirteen **

Beverly used her medical emergency override on the door. The door opened and she slid into the dark cabin. She knew he wasn't here, she had made sure of that. She found her way to the couch, making herself comfortable.

She sat in the dark cabin and waited for Jean-Luc to return. It had been six days since their meeting in the corridor, she had only seen him briefly at a staff meeting since than. She was tired of being ignored by him. One way or another she was going to find out what was going on.

Jean-Luc was exhausted, he couldn't wait until the ambassadors were off the ship. He was growing tired of playing host to all these people. He entered his cabin and called for lights. He saw the red-headed figure sitting on his couch immediately. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" He asked not even bothering to cover his anger.

"You seem to avoid me at every turn. I figured the only way I was going to get any answers was if I made it impossible for you to make an excuse."

"So you decided to take it upon yourself to make yourself at home?"

"I could hardly feel at home with you acting the way you are," she retorted, her anger running freely over her.

"I guess we're even then."

"Jean-Luc why did you leave?" she asked softly. Figuring the only way to get an explanation for his behavior was to ask straight out.

"I told you in the note," he said. "Did you even really care, or were you happy to get rid of me without having to explain anything?"

"What do you mean? Of course, I noticed when I woke up and you weren't there, and I thought that night was pretty self-explanatory."

Beverly and Jean-Luc glared at each other. Hurt and anger fueled their battle. Neither could seem to understand the other. Jean-Luc lashed out at her, wanting to hurt her as badly as her careless whispers that night had hurt him.

"I left because I wanted to," he yelled, eyes blazing. "Because I couldn't stay with you any longer."

Beverly stood there and stared at him. She could not believe what he was saying. This was not the Jean-Luc Picard that she knew, he could never be so callous. A new anger flooded her entire being.

"You finally got what you wanted, Jean-Luc. You got to fuck me. That's all you wanted, isn't it? You never wanted me as a lover. You just saw me as one of your unfulfilled desires and once you were sated you didn't need me anymore. The game was over. You pursued me and then you captured me and that was it. I hope you enjoyed yourself, because that is all you are ever going to get from me."

The anger drained from her body. All she felt was betrayal. *How could he have used me like that? I thought that I had meant more to him?* The tears began to form in her eyes, she tried desperately to hold them at bay. *I'm not going to let him see what he's done to me. I can't let him see how much this hurts. He'll only use it against me.*

But she could not hold them back. The tears fell unbidden down her face.

Jean-Luc didn't care if she cried. He had hurt her, that was what he had wanted. At least, that was what he thought he wanted. Now, he wanted to go to her, to comfort her, to say he hadn't meant a word of the things he said. As he thought these things he remembered the whispered word in her sleep: Jack. And the rage became clear again.

He moved towards her and took her by the shoulders, lowering his mouth to hers, kissing her savagely. Beverly resisted at first, but as him mouth moved over hers, her mouth parted for him, her tongue darting into his mouth. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her entire body against his, she could feel his hardening form, she could feel his need. And she wanted this. She wanted him, despite the fear that he would just leave her again.

"Jean-Luc," she murmured.

Suddenly, he pulled himself away from her and glared, "At least this time you got the name right."

He grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her towards the door. "I want you out of here, and if I ever find you in my quarters again I will have you thrown in the brig. Do you understand me, Doctor?"

Yes, Sir," she said in her best officer's voice.

He almost threw her from the room as the door opened. As the door closed, Beverly stood there dumbfounded. *What is going on?* she wondered. *At least I got the name right? What does that mean?*

Beverly had fumed over Jean-Luc's behavior towards her until morning. It was now mid-morning and she did not know what was going on. Now she knew he wouldn't give her the answers she wanted. She replayed every minute of their days in LaBarre, looking for the cause of his behavior, there was nothing. She paced through her quarters, as she walked through her bedroom for the tenth time in the last half-hour, she noticed the clothes laying, folded neatly on her dresser.

They were Jean-Luc's clothes. He had left them on the floor of her room during his hasty retreat from LeBarre. She whisked them up about to tear them into shreds when she got a better idea.

"Computer, locate Captain Picard."

"Captain Picard is in his ready room," the computer's neutral voice responded.

"Wonderful," she smiled as she headed from her quarters to the bridge.

She marched on to the bridge as if she had a mission. Deanna could feel the fury seeping from her and was worried. Worf noted she had the look of a warrior in her eyes, and Will had seen that look in her eyes enough times to know not to open his mouth, for if he did he may be murdered with just a look from her. When the Captain admitted her into the ready room, the three officers whispered a silent prayer for the captain's safety.

Instead of entering the room and letting the door shut, Beverly stood in the doorway glaring at the man behind the desk. "What do you need, Doctor?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm, knowing that the bridge crew was paying close attention to this drama.

"I have something of yours," she said.

"What?" then he noticed what she held in her hands.

She wanted to embarrass him. She didn't care if she had to embarrass herself in the process. She knew it would be much worse for him because of his apprehension towards making his private life public knowledge. There she stood, for the entire bridge to hear her, wishing it was the entire ship.

"Your clothes, *Sir,* you left them on my bedroom floor in LeBarre. I guess you were too busy trying to get the hell out of my bed and out of the house to have remembered them. I thought I should return them since I really have no use for them," with that she threw the bundle at him, turned on her heel and stalked off, the doors swishing shut on Picard's startled face.

Deanna, Will and Worf said nothing, just looked at each other dumbfounded. Whatever went on between the captain and the CMO, which they were sure was plenty, was fine, but none of them ever expected it to be so publicly aired. They knew Beverly was mad, she never would have put herself in the situation she just had if she wasn't. They realized that her temper had gotten the best of her once again. They silently asked each other what was going on. They all shrugged their answers. None of them knew, Picard and Crusher had been very agitated since their return to duty, but neither of them had discussed it with anyone. A lovers' quarrel had reduced them to this, they had trouble understanding how that could have happened.

The three waited on the bridge for Picard to emerge from the ready room and the second act to begin. Knowing it was now time to whisper a small prayer for Beverly.

Jean-Luc just sat there, looking at the clothes thrown on the desk top, his anger growing. What was she thinking? Announcing to everyone within earshot that they had slept together.

She was the one calling out another person's name and he was the one being humiliated for it at every turn. He could not tolerate her behavior. If he was never in her presence again it would be too soon for him. All he wanted was to get her the hell off his ship. If it took every favor he was owed, he would get her off the Enterprise.

He got up from his chair, leaving the ready room, "Number One if you need me I'll be in my quarters," he said icily.

"Yes, Sir," Riker said, keeping his face blank, not daring to show any emotion.

**Chapter Fourteen **

Three days later the Enterprise docked at Starbase 56. The Enterprise would be taking on most of its complement here and the rest when they reached Starbase 117, which was where they would be getting rid of the rest of the ships guests.

The reception, that night, for the Enterprise was held in the large reception hall. Picard sat at a place of honor at a long table at the front of the room, with an assortment of admirals and ambassadors. The senior staff all sat at a table directly in front of Picard. Picard noted that Admiral Casperson was firmly planted at Beverly's side.

She looked beautiful, as always. He felt a twinge of jealously because of the attention she bestowed on the young admiral. He also felt the familiar feelings of desire that always seemed to surface in her presence. He hated his body for betraying him so passionately.

The endless speeches made by admirals reminded him of why he hated these formal affairs so much. They all stood before the crowd singing the praises of the ship and its crew. All of them saying the same things; how honored they were to have such fine officers in Starfleet and that they hoped that the Enterprise-E would have as distinguished a record as its predecessor.

His mind wandered, more, than once, to thoughts of Beverly. Thoughts he desperately wished that he could rid himself of. He was still angry at her for the incident on the bridge, he had wanted to get rid of her, but in the end the thought of her leaving was too much for him to bear. He wanted her to love him, not Jack. He wanted to try to rid her of the ever present ghost of her husband. He wanted to make love to her until she could think of no one but him.

He had noticed Deanna watching him more than once. Each time he saw her watching him, he tried to put his thoughts into place and concentrate on what the current speaker was saying. Inevitably, his thoughts would turn back to the fiery redhead sitting before him.

Beverly watched Jean-Luc, she wanted to apologize for the scene on the bridge. To explain that she had been angry and had wanted to hurt him, like he had hurt her, but she couldn't seem to find the words. Even an apology would not change the fact that she had been way out of line.

Beverly just wanted to know what had happened to make him leave. If he thought it was a mistake, that they should not have made love, all he had to do was tell her. She could live with that. If he would just tell her something.

Finally, the speeches were over, dinner was finished. Several people danced to the music that was playing, while others stood in small groups talking. Beverly had found herself in the arms of one old friend after another. Several had asked her if she was considering returning to Starfleet Medical. She had told them all that she hadn't really given it any serious thought, but that she was keeping the option open, at the moment.

Beverly was dancing with a retired admiral when she saw Jean-Luc dancing within ear shot of her. "Are you considering returning to Starfleet Medical?" she was asked for the dozenth time.

She knew that he was probably listening, so she changed her reply, "I am considering it, yes. It is a very real possibility."

The music came to an end, the ex-admiral thanked her for the dance. She was about to walk of the dance floor, when she felt herself pulled into somebody else's arms.

She looked up, straight into the smiling eyes of Jean-Luc Picard.

"It has occurred to me that we have not shared a dance yet," he said pulling her more closely to him. "Are you and Admiral Casperson enjoying yourself?" There was a slight edge to his voice, suggesting he did not like seeing her with someone else.

"Yes, I am. You would have to ask David if he's enjoying himself, though, I haven't seen him in quite a while."

Jean-Luc began to move as the waltz began, she fell into step with him. She cursed herself, as she realized in his arms was exactly where she most wanted to be. He smiled at her. She had a feeling he knew precisely the effect he was having on her. She suffered his arm around her waist, endured the feeling of his strong hand gripping hers, forced herself not to react to the feeling of his thighs brushing hers. She kept her eyes locked on his jaw. She tried not to look at his mouth. It was either his mouth, his eyes or the twirling scene around her. The twirling scene made her light-headed. The smile in his eyes made her light-headed, also, but for different reasons. She did not want to look into his eyes.

So, Beverly looked at his mouth, and wished she had not. Just looking at his firm, straight-lipped mouth, now upturned in a smile, made her remember the sensations of him kissing her body.

Suddenly, all she wanted to do was kiss him.

"If you don't stop looking at me like that, I'm going to take you into the nearest dark corner and make love to you."

Surprised, she looked up into his eyes, and a flush entered her cheeks. Did he know what she was thinking?

"What?" she asked, amazed by his statement. Not just by the fact that Captain Jean-Luc Picard had uttered such words in public, but, also, by the fact that he wanted her. She had thought that he wanted nothing to do with her.

"I know that you want me, and I want you," the words came out in a husky growl.

Beverly felt the emotions his words stirred in her coming to the surface.

"Stop it," she said. Angry that he could reduce her to mindlessness with the sound of his voice.

"Will you be leaving the Enterprise?" he asked, smiling down at her.

"I don't know. Do I have any reason to stay?"

"Your friends are here."

"I have friends on Earth also."

"I see that. You made quite an impression on people in that year. Every time I turn around, someone is telling me how brilliant, dedicated, beautiful and charming you are and how lucky I am to have you as my CMO. Of course, I couldn't disagree on any point."

"And here I thought you hated me."

"I think I do hate you," he said. "I hate you for making me forget who I am. I hate you for making me want you. I hate you for making me love you."

She wanted to believe that he wanted her, wanted to believe that he loved. As she began to believe his words, she remembered waking up alone in LaBarre and a searing pain gripped her.

He pulled her closer, molding her to him, his hips grinding into her as they danced. She felt his desire against her stomach.

"Are you going to return to Earth?" he asked again.

A thought enter her mind, "Why do you want me in your bed one final time? If I'm leaving you wouldn't have to think up any excuses to why you are not there in the morning," she feared his answer.

"Yes, I want you in my bed, but I would want you in my bed whether you planned to leave or not. I want you in my life. All of you, not just your body."

*Then why did you leave?* she wanted to scream. She could not let herself believe him. She felt a sudden wave a nausea run through her. "Let go of me."

She wanted to struggle free of his grasp when he gripped here tighter, but that would draw attention to them. She didn't want that. He loosened his grip and she pulled away, out of his reach. She had to get away, she was so afraid he was lying to her.

"If you excuse me, I'm going to take my leave now. I'm feeling rather ill."

Beverly left the dance floor, nearly running to the door. She left the reception hall and found her way to a bathroom where she promptly threw up. When she was presentable once again, she returned to the Enterprise, to retire for the night.


	9. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen **

He was drunk. Something he never did. The last time had been on his last visit home with his brother. They had drank in celebration of them resolving their differences. Tonight, he was not drinking in celebration.

Jean-Luc had left the reception soon after Beverly. He had wanted her to tell him that she loved him, but, instead, she had left him alone on the dance floor staring after her. He retired to his quarters, taking out a bottle of scotch that had been given to him in honor of the new Enterprise. He was sprawled in the chair at his desk, after a few moments he took another drink from the nearly empty bottle.

He had tried this way of drowning his pain in his youth, only to discover that it didn't work, and all he ended up with was a raging headache in the morning. So why was he abandoning such hard won knowledge?

The answer was simple. Beverly.

Here he was drinking himself into a stupor, when all he wanted to do was make love to her, over and over.

He wanted her to surrender completely, though. Not just her body, but her mind and her heart, as well. He wanted all of her.

The thought that her heart still belonged to Jack made him want to scream. He realized that he loved her like no other woman before. Loved her with a hunger that claiming her body would not appease. He wanted her to love him, not Jack. He wanted all of her.

Stupid or not, he meant to get good and drunk. Drunk enough to pass out. Drunk enough to get Beverly out of his mind for one night. To hell with the price he paid in the morning.

Oblivion sounded damned good to him right now.

Beverly paced around her quarters, still in her evening dress. She became more confused by the minute. One day he throws her out, threatening to have her thrown in the brig. The next, he pulls her into his arms, telling her that he wants to make love to her. She did not know where she stood anymore. Did he want her or didn't he?

The door chimed, she stood there and looked at the door for a moment, trying to will the person away. The door chimed again, "Come."

The door opened to reveal David, still in his dress uniform. He went over to her, looking at her with a worried expression. "Is everything okay?"

"As okay as it's going to get, I suppose."

"What happened?"

"He said that he wanted me and that he hated me for making him love me."

"He's giving you some answers now."

"I'm sorry if I worried you. I had to get out of there, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Not to mention I felt like everyone in the room was watching us."

"After the stunt you pulled on the bridge a couple of days ago, I'm sure everyone in the room was watching you. Not one of your finer moments, sweetheart."

"How did you find out?" she asked, sinking down on to the sofa.

"I have my ways," he sat down next to her, pulling her into his embrace.

Beverly leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder, "I wanted to apologize for that, I didn't get the chance."

"Poor Beverly, temper got the best of you again."

They sat in silence for some time. Beverly finally spoke, "I'm going to take the position at Starfleet Medical."

David sat up straight and looked at her, "No, you're not."

"Yes I am."

"Beverly, I can't let you do that," he said. "You are trying to run away. This isn't what is best for you. As much as I would love to see you everyday, I won't let you."

"When did it become your job to make decisions for me?"

"The day I fell in love with you. From the beginning, I've wanted what was best for you. Even when I realized that it wasn't me. I stepped aside and didn't try to make you stay on Earth. I knew that your true love was aboard the Enterprise. I'm you're friend, I want you to be happy.

"In the very least, you have to find out where you stand with this captain of yours. You love him. You've loved him for as long as I have known you.

"If you still want to come back after you've settled things, I'll welcome you with open arms. But, if you go now, you'll always wonder if all this could have been worked out."

"Why did he leave," she cried, then a realization hit her. "Jack!"

"What about Jack?"

"Jack was the reason he left."

David said nothing, he just looked at her.

"That night, I had a dream about Jack. He was telling me goodbye and to be happy. I must have called him Jack in my sleep."

"You do have a tendency to say things when you're sleeping. That would be enough to make any man leave."

"The other day, he kissed me, when I said his name, he pushed me away and said that at least this time I got the name right. I had not known then what he was talking about. Will he be able to understand that I was just saying good-bye?"

"There is only one way to find out. Go to him. Talk to him."

"I love you, you really are the best."


	10. Chapter 16 & 17

**Chapter Sixteen **

She stood outside the captain's quarters, waiting for Jean-Luc to let her in. When he did not answer, she chimed the door again.

Jean-Luc muttered a curse when the door chimed. He did not want anyone to see the captain's fall from grace, so he chose to ignore it. When the door chimed again he threw the bottle at it, and it shattered against the wall. He then cursed himself for the mess he had made.

Beverly heard the crash and became concerned. She used her medical override on the door. "If he throws me in the brig, he throws me in the brig, I really don't care."

She entered his quarters and saw him sitting in the chair at his desk. The smell of whiskey filled the air. He looked up at her. "If it isn't my beautiful Beverly," he said, words slurring together slightly.

"You're drunk," was all she managed to say. She could not believe this. The ever in control captain of the Enterprise was drunk.

"Good observation. And you made it without your tricorder and all, very good."

There was really no use in talking to him tonight. She moved towards him. "I think it's time you stopped drinking and go to bed," she said in a motherly tone.

She stood there, arms folded, frowning at him.

"In all the years I knew Jack I never saw him..."

"Drunk," she finished.

"Don't you start making comparisons between your beloved husband and myself," His body tensed as if he planned to leap from the chair at any moment.

Beverly looked at him, could see the pain that she had caused him. "I'm sorry, that I hurt you. I know why you left that night. I know what I said, that's why I came tonight. To tell you...."

He shot from the chair and was around the desk before Beverly had time to react. He was standing so close to her that she was forced to sit on the desk. So close that the booze washed over her in waves. His hands came up around her neck.

"Let go of me," she said calmly.

"You were smiling in your sleep, I thought it was because of me. Then you called me Jack," his hands tightened around her neck. "I wanted to kill you."

"Jean-Luc, it's you I love, not Jack. I was dreaming of him, yes, but, we were saying good-bye. I love you. Not Jack. I love you."

The look in her eyes cut through the haze of alcohol that befuddled him. "You what?" he asked as he brought his mouth to hers, kissing her.

Beverly parted her lips, her hands moving up his chest. His tongue moved through her mouth. He leaned over her, one hand sending everything on the desk crashing to the floor. Then she was on her back, he was coming down on her, pulling at her clothes and kissing her.

"I love you, Jean-Luc," she said into his mouth.

"Beverly, beautiful, Beverly," it was a murmured whisper.

He placed kisses over her face and throat, nuzzling the soft underside of her neck. Uncaring of his drink filled roughness, Beverly wrapped her arms around his neck, stroking the hair at his neck. The smell of alcohol was forgotten in her passion. She loved him, she wanted to make sure that he knew that.

His hands were shaking as he jerked her dress out of his way, leaving her naked while he torn at his pants. He freed himself just enough. He moved his body over hers, coming into her, his need to strong to wait a moment longer. As he pushed himself inside her, she gasped. He was huge, filling her completely. She trembled with the sheer wonder of him. His mouth was on her neck, his hand on her breast, while he thrust hard and fast. Beverly arched upwards. He groaned, then with another deep thrust he lay still.

On the brink of ecstasy, Beverly lay trembling in anticipation as he lay on top of her. She realized that he was sated. She lay there her hands stroking his neck and head, willing back her disappointment. But her body still throbbed and ached.

He pulled himself off her, "See what happens when you tell me you love me, I can't control myself?"

Beverly sat up on the desk top, drawing her knees close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

"You really did mean it?"

"Of coarse I meant it. I love you. I've loved you for a long time."

*He's as vulnerable as I am,* she thought in amazement, and all the tenderness she had tried for years to suppress came flooding to the surface.

She got to her knees moving the short distant across the desk to where he stood at the edge. She slid her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I love you," she whispered, again, watching him. He did not move. Then his eyes brightened and a smile came across his lips.

"What about Casperson?"

"David is just a friend."

"Good, I thought it might be something more."

Beverly decided that she would save all the details of her relationship with David for another day.

"It's you that I want, it's you that I love, Jean-Luc, no one else."

He took her into his arms, pulling her off the desk to carry her across the room and into his bedroom. He lay her down on the bed. Then began tugging his clothing off. She got to her knees helping him pull the uniform shirt off. He sat on the bed to pull his boots off, she leaned over him, her naked chest pressed against his hard back. He stood up again, she took in the sight of his muscled chest and abdomen. When he pulled of his pants to reveal his narrow hips and strong legs, Beverly felt her heart quicken. When he turned completely towards her, her heart stopped. He was huge and stiff, ready for her.

He went to her, engulfing her in his arms. Beverly clutched his head, bringing his mouth to hers. His fingers slid into her hair to cup her head. She was stunned to feel the unsteadiness of those fingers. Vulnerability was so seductive when it appeared in Jean-Luc.

Her throat was long, soft, pulsing . He stroked it with his lips, nibbled at the firm slope of it. Her almost soundless moan vibrated against his lips. He loved the feeling.

He moved his lips across her shoulder to her breast, his mouth closed around it, pulling it deep inside. She cried out at his touch, her long, smooth legs moving restlessly over his. She groaned in impatience, she wanted him completely.

His mouth continued it's mission as his hand slid down her body, stroking her wetness, making her wither beneath him. Long moments later her breasts flushed and damp, heaving with the choked breaths rasping in her throat. "Please, Jean-Luc. Now, please."

*Can she need me as much as I need her?* he wondered.

He brought his lips to hers, again, positioning himself between her thighs. He ran his fingers along her thighs. She pushed herself into his hand, straining for him to fill her. "Now, Jean, now."

The husky demand crushed the last of his restraint. His hips pressed into her, filling her until he could bury himself no deeper. Only then did he pause, wishing he could stop time, making this moment last eternally. She loved him, she had said it. It was him, not Jack. Soft, strong arms held him tightly, and finally he found the place he had dreamed of for twenty years; he was in her loving arms.

The rhythm overtook him, sweeping him along. He fought his release, trying to postpone the culmination. Then Beverly withered beneath him and cried out his name, her body convulsing around him, he knew the limit of his control had been reached. He moaned, his body bowing into an explosive, mind shattering climax. He buried his face in her throat and tried to believe he'd never have to let her go. "I love you, my beautiful Beverly."

"I love you, more than you could now," she sighed, wrapping her arms tightly around him, holding him close. "I'll try to remember to tell you every day."

Jean-Luc held her, stroking her hair and placing light kisses on her shoulder. "You'll be here when I wake up?" It was almost a plea. "After all, we have lots of missed breakfasts to make up for."

"I'll be here," Beverly whispered.

**Chapter Seventeen **

Ten minutes later he was softly snoring. Lying curled against him, her head resting on his shoulder. She hoped that he was not the kind of drunk who forgot everything that happened when they awoke. She didn't want to leave, but realized that she could not be caught leaving the captain's quarters in the morning wearing the dress she had worn to the reception.

Beverly kissed him lightly, getting out of bed. She walked into the living area and retrieved her dress from the floor. As she straightened her body, her head began to spin and she felt sick to her stomach, she bolted to the bathroom and threw up for the second time that night. "He gets drunk and I throw up, that hardly seems fair," she thought.

She finished dressing, looked in on Jean-Luc's sleeping form. "I'll be back shortly," she whispered, then slipped from his room. Will and Deanna happened to turn the corner just as Beverly left the captain's room, she turned in the opposite direction as they had come from and never saw them.

"I hope this means they have made up," Will said, looking at Deanna, hoping she would add her two cents in.

"I would guess so. Beverly seems very happy."

Beverly entered her quarters and changed into her uniform. Then she left for sickbay where she planned to get something for the headache Jean-Luc was certain to have in the morning.

She heard someone call her name, she turned around quickly, and a sudden wave a dizziness hit her again, she grabbed the end of the table to steady herself. Alyssa came to her side, holding on to her, "Are you okay, Dr. Crusher?" she asked concerned.

"I'm fine, just got dizzy for a second," she said, smiling at the woman. "I just came to get something. I really have to go."

Beverly took a few steps when another wave a nausea hit her, she put her hand to her stomach. Alyssa came to her side once again, "You sit down here," she said pointing to the bio-bed. I'll go get a doctor to take a look at you."

"This isn't necessary," Beverly began but before she finished Alyssa had motioned a young doctor over.

The young man scanned Beverly and smiled. "What seems to be so amusing Dr. Dankin?"

Beverly asked.

"Nothing, Dr. Crusher. I'm happy to report all is fine, and that you are three weeks pregnant."

"Excuse me," was all a very stunned Beverly could say.

"Yes, ma'am, you are pregnant."

"It's a little early to be having morning sickness."

"I guess the little one just wanted to make sure you knew," Alyssa beamed.

"Thank you," Beverly said as she slid of the bio-bed. "I have to be going."

*Pregnant.* Beverly thought as she walked through the Enterprise. *Pregnant?*

She entered Jean-Luc's quarters again, she wanted to be able to wake up in his arms. She slid out of her uniform, running her hand over her stomach. "A baby?" she smiled.

She got into bed next to Jean-Luc. He wrapped his arms around her. She curled into his body and lay there. "Boy do I have a surprise for you when you wake up. . . daddy," she smiled, kissing his chest. She loved him, she held no more doubts about that. The guilt over loving him was purged, the ghosts gone. Beverly was happy and content. "I hope you're ready for fatherhood," she thought aloud as she drifted into sleep, a smile playing upon her lips.


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

Beverly wearily walked through the door as it opened. The door closed behind her, plunging her into darkness. She was too tired to call for lights, it had been an incredibly long birth, *thank God, I wasn't the one giving birth.*

It had been a long day. She had just set the broken bones on a group of teenaged boys that had gone white-water rafting on the holodeck, it had been a rather grueling program from the array of bruises, sprains, and broken bones the boys had. As soon as the boys had hopped of the bio-beds and smiled their thanks, Lieutenant Kenning had enter sickbay with his very pregnant wife, Gayle, who had prematurely gone into labor. Beverly had spent a considerable amount of time convincing a very apprehensive Lieutenant that Gayle was far enough along where this wouldn't be a problem and that the babies should be fully developed. What had followed was fourteen very long hours in sickbay, with a very distraught father-to-be.

*If Jean-Luc acts like Kenning did when I give birth, the first thing I'm going to do is give him a sedative,* Beverly mused to herself. Gayle had to spend so much time calming her husband down that she couldn't concentrate on her contractions, and thus, she had spent much longer giving birth than she should have had to.

Beverly had to admit, Jean-Luc would probably act just like Lieutenant Kenning, being a first time father. And she would probably act just like Gayle and smile comfortingly for a while, and then after so many long hours and being drenched with sweat would start spewing deranged comments at him.

She began loosening the collar of her uniform as she maneuvered through the familiar surroundings. By the time she reached the bedroom, she was half-undressed. Beverly looked enviously at the sleeping figure in the bed. Jean-Luc has probably been asleep for hours, she thought. She finished undressing, leaving her clothes in a heap next to the bed. Beverly retrieved a pair of the captain's pajamas and slipped into them. She loved the way they always smelled faintly of him, she had taken to wearing them almost all of the time, they were so reassuring, especially when she spent a night without him lying next to her.

She slipped under the covers and curled against the heat of Jean-Luc's body. She sighed sleepily as she wound her arms around his chest and nestled her head into his shoulder.

Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and burying his face into the sweet smell of her hair. Jean-Luc awoke and placed a small kiss on the top of her head, as his hand ran across her body, pausing at her round belly. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yes, fine," she smiled, tilting her face up to his and placing a small kiss on his lips, "Lieutenant Kenning's wife, Gayle, gave birth to a very healthy set of twins, no thanks to her husband. A boy and a girl, the husband was in more of state then Gayle was. But the couple is ecstatic and resting."

"I can believe they are," he said between the kisses he placed on her neck.

"It made me think about when I gave birth to Wesley. And I just want to apologize now for anything I may say to you later, I probably will not mean them, and will not be in the mood to apologize for them."

Jean-Luc grinned at her, "Your apology is accepted."

"Good," she smiled.

"You've had a busy day, doctor, you must be exhausted."

"I am."

He wrapped his arms tighter around Beverly, holding her close. They comfortably curled their bodies together, and Beverly drifted off into sleep.

"I love you," Jean-Luc said to the sleeping woman wrapped in his arms, gently caressing her rapidly expanding mid-section, then he followed her into sleep.

The two sleeping figures were one in sleep. So closely entwined, it became impossible to tell where one ended and the other began.

In their dreams, they walked hand in hand along a beach that stretched for miles, the breeze whipped through her hair as she tried to pull it from her face. They were smiling at one another, there was laughter all around them as four children played. A little red-headed girl of about five ran up to them and grabbed their hands. She smiled up at them, her grey eyes dancing, "Mommy, Daddy, come help us build our castle."

They each took one of the little girl's hands and walked to where the other three children busily worked on gathering buckets of sand and water, they knelt down and help build the most beautiful castle in the sand.

THE END


End file.
